Hello you beautiful people and welcome to another little positive pip from yours truly!
So on this wonderful journey of self discovery we’re all travelling along, I think its quite natural that little questions will pop up in our roads. That is A OK. Questioning things about ourselves and our natural reactions is one of the best ways for us to learn and better ourselves. It also means we are open and present and most importantly, growing! Id like to give you an example of something that blocked my path a bit last week and after some good old thinking and rearranging in my brain, Ive been able to recognise an insecurity in myself and know that im going to work to not let this particular thing bother me again. So……
What, Are. You. Up. To? These five little words may seem pretty harmless to the majority of the population, but to this little lady they are like kryptonite! They reduce me to a shaky, clammy, mute who apparently forgets all the good things I am indeed up to and what comes out instead is some apologetic mumble.
I realise that this must read as a bit dramatic and a bit of an extreme reaction to a string of mono syllabic words but this is a real life first world problem im having!!!! Performers are particularly guilty of initiating interactions with this favourite gem of mine. I am putting my hands up and admitting i have asked the question once or twice too, and now have strong words with myself and change my thought process rapidly if i even feel the ‘W’ forming in my mouth!!
So why do i react this way, and what do i need to find in myself to make this question OK? In the nanosecond after the words are uttered, i feel like my brain cells must scream ‘evacuate’ and then clear out of there as fast as they can . So as i frantically search for what i know should be some super shiny, impressive answer all i can actually find is little negative Nigel sat waiting to be picked ‘cos he couldn’t run away as fast as the others! My immediate guess is that the person who asked the question must have something rather fabulous they would like to share so i try to get my unimpressive answer out as quickly as possible and pretend it never happened and let them gush.
Of course, this is all my own insecurity. Why do I even need to impress this person? I know I am doing lots of positive things day to day that I am hugely proud of. Yes I may not have that elusive years contract just yet, but I have a new qualification, a small role in a very exciting TV series, I am working hard on myself both physically and mentally, am trying to learn hip hop and am kicking lents butt! So next time someone asks me ‘what are you up to?’ I really need to make an effort to remember these wonderful things and to remind myself that they asked you because they really are interested and want to hear that you’re doing brilliantly!
So as well as being proud of my achievements no matter how small, I am also going to endeavour to ask new questions. How wonderful would it be if someone asked where in the world you’d love to explore? Or what has made you really laugh this week? I can guarantee they would spark much more interesting and more comfortable conversation, without fear of not living up to someone else’s expectations.
Go and start some lovely chats and feel proud of yourselves!