My brain and I have become friends recently! We’ve been going on a good, proactive journey together. I am incredibly proud that I can now recognise my go to thoughts and habits, and can catch myself if I slide into a negative mindset, and 90% of the time I can turn it into a positive. I am still actively writing my gratitude journal every night (if you’re not doing it, give it a try – I promise it sends you to sleep in a happier place!) and am always trying to see light if life gives us a little bit of darkness.
Now, as you may know, I live in the world of self employed creatives, where motivation and self drive are our most valuable tools! Living through the various knock backs and getting right back up and trying again has become second nature. If you want something badly enough you have to fight for it right? Well, this week my fight just wasn’t there. Im not sure why but I found myself in a rare slump. I usually allow myself about half an hour of feeling crappy after a bad audition before I make myself get over it and move on, but this week I wallowed. The quicksand of negativity and self doubt really took hold for a few days.
After too many days of self pity, I decided to take myself off to class, hoping it would dust off some of the grumpy cobwebs! If I’m truthful I spent the whole warm up section of the class questioning myself, my ability, every little niggle wound me up more and more. It was no reflection on the class or the people around me, it was just me! But – When we had learnt the routine and were just dancing something magical happened – my brain just shut up! And it was the most happy, miraculous thing! I’ve never actually stopped to notice before, but when I’m happy my brain is quiet. It just gives me the space and time to enjoy the music and to do what I’m doing without interference. Isn’t that amazing?!
Our industry is built on us seeking other people’s approval. From parents and teachers, to audition panels, to audiences…. it never stops, but when do we just switch off and do it for ourselves. When we’re completely present, in the moment and fully committed to just being happy. No scrutiny, no outside pressure, just us doing what makes us feel good! It literally was a lightbulb moment on my journey home that dancing that gorgeous routine in class I hadn’t thought a single bad thought. Interesting huh?!
My new priority is going to be to try and find those times when my brain is quiet, and to make them more and more frequent. Of course it would be crazy to spend our whole lives without questioning things, but I’m going to do more of what makes me happy and push out the things that make my brain seem loud and niggly. Just for me! Even in audition situations, Id like to try and be there just for me- dancing and singing because it makes me smile from the inside. I know the aim is to impress and get a job, but i can only be me, and if thats not enough, then its simply not my job.
So whether you love singing, cooking, hanging out with friends, going to the gym, or eating that occasional chocolate bar…. let yourself do it!!! Life is too short, and without being too morbid, we never know when our last day will be so go and do what you love without judgement, without feeling pressured to be perfect, just be happy!