It’s me again – The one you’re constantly trying to impress. I feel like I owe you another sincere apology. I seem to have got trapped in this constant state of comparison and once again I’m neglecting to notice all of the amazing things that you are doing for me every day and I am sorry! You are working so hard and being so resilient, and still when I think of you, I am not satisfied.
I think it is going to take years of practice to undo all of the criticism and unfavourable thoughts that seem programmed into my way of thinking. I am not entirely sure why, when you do some brilliant things every day, that I still focus on and replay the one thing that didn’t go quite so well. Yes I am a perfectionist, but I know I need to start appreciating what are you ARE capable of, rather than the occasional errors you make. I also need to remind myself that you are slowly starting to age and I need to be less frustrated that you are not the same as you were when you were 25!
It is difficult in a profession like ours to remember what makes us unique and special. We are constantly trying to prove ourselves to different panels and peers, trying to prove that we are good enough for a job, or strong enough to fulfill a role. It becomes the norm to try and reach other peoples expectations of us rather than applauding you, my tool, for just being healthy and fighting! And all of this whilst being surrounded by 19 year old spring lambs who are bouncing off the walls with confidence.
Someone asked me recently, ‘if there was one thing you could change about your body, what would it be?’ I thought of my answer immediately, and once I’d thought of that one thing, a list kept unfurling in my mind of all of the things I dislike about you and what I would happily change. And then I stopped myself and thought for a minute. A little conversation with another friend and a google search later and we had found this incredible video by the Jubilee project. In the video 50 people are asked what they’d change about themselves. The first few answers were all physical things that these people disliked and would happily trade in. The next people questioned were children and their answers were gorgeous. One little girl wanted wings so she could fly. Another wanted a mermaid tail. Little boys thought they’d like cheetah legs so they could run faster or a shark mouth so they could eat more! How did we all get so bogged down in the negative and stop seeing all these magic possibilities? I felt so guilty for immediately picking you apart rather than celebrating you and all the amazing things that you could do! And how awesome would having a mermaid tail be?!
So – To my amazing body. I find myself needing to readdress my thought patterns once again and to stop being so bloody harsh on you all of the time. We’re getting to travel this amazing journey together and you my friend are still dancing and kicking as high as the 20 odd year olds I know! So thank you.
What would I change about my body? Absolutely nothing! (Except maybe magical sparkly hair that grows overnight!)